As requested by one of our loyal listeners in Kentucky!
T'was the night before Christmas and
all through the town,
no noses were frozen, no snow fluttered down,
no children in flannels were tucked into bed,
they all wore shorty pajamas
To find wreaths of holly, t'was not very hard,
trees grew in every back yard.
In front of the houses, Dads and Moms
adorning the bushes and coconut palms.
The sleeping kiddies were
dreaming in glee,
hoping to find water skis under the tree.
They all knew
that Santa was well on his way,
in a Mercedes-Benz, instead of a
And soon he arrived and started to work,
he hadn't a second to
linger or shirk.
He whizzed up the highways and zoomed up the road,
S-L 300, delivering his loads.
The tropical moon gave the city a
and lighted the way for old Santa below.
As he jumped from the auto
he gave a wee chuckle,
he was dressed in Bermudas with an Ivy league
There weren't any chimneys, but that caused no gloom,
Santa came in through the Florida room.
He stopped at each house....stayed
only a minute,
emptying his sack of stuff that was in it.
departed, he treated himself
to a glass of papaya juice upon the shelf.
turned with a jerk and bounced to the car,
remembering he still had to go
He shifted the gears and stepped on the gas
and up Highway
436 he went like a flash.
And I heard him exclaim as he went on his
"MERRY CHRISTMAS Y'ALL, I WISH I COULD STAY!"
Here is the OTHER southern version.
'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the trailer
Not a creature was stirrin' 'cept a redneck named Taylor.
His first name was Bubba, Joe was his middle,
And a-runnin' down his chin was a trickle of spittle.
His socks, they were hung by the chimney with care,
And therefore there was a foul stench in the air.
That Bubba got scared and rousted the boys.
There was Rufus, 12 Jim Bob was 11
Dud goin' on 10 Otis was 7.
John, George and Chucky Were 5,4, and 3:
The twins were both girls so they let them be.
They jumped in their overalls, no need for a shirt,
Threw a hat on each head, then turned with a jerk.
They ran to the gun rack that hung on the wall.
There were 17 shotguns they grabbed them all.
Bubba said to the young'uns, "now hesh up ya'll!
The last thing we wanna do is wake up yer Maw."
Maw was expecting and needed her sleep,
So out they crept out the door without making a peep.
They all looked around, and then they all spit.
The young'uns asked Bubba, "Paw, what is it?"
Bubba just stared he could not say a word.
This was just like all of The stories he'd heard.
It was Santy Claus on the roof, darn tootin'
But the boys didn't know they was about to start shootin'!
They aimed their shotguns and nearly made a mistake
That would have resulted in venison steak.
Bubba hollered out, "don't shoot, boys!"
That's Santy Claus And he's brought us some toys.
The dogs were a-barkin' and a-raisin' cain,
And Bubba whistled, and shouted, and called them by name.
"Down, Spot! shut up Bullet! quiet, Roscoe and Enos!
Git, Turnip and Tater and Sam and Bosco!"
"Git down from that porch! git down off that wall!
Quit shakin the trailer, or you'll make Santy fall!"
The dogs kept a-barkin' and wouldn't shut up,
And they trampled poor Pete Who was only a pup.
Santy opened his bag, And threw out some toys.
Bubba got most, but left a few for the boys.
Since the guns had been dropped he just might not die.
He jumped in his sleigh, told his reindeer to hurry.
The trailer started to wobble santa started to worry.
Just as the reindeer got into the air,
The trailer collapsed, but Bubba didn't care.
He was busy lookin' at all his new toys.
Then a thought hit him, and he said to the boys:
"Go check on yer Maw, make sure she's all right.
That roof fallin' on her could-a hurt just a might."
But Maw was OK, and the girls were too.
They fixed up the trailer it looked good as new.
And as for Bubba, he liked Old St. Nick,
But Santa thought Bubba was a pure-in-tee hick!
Bubba had a nice Christmas, and the boys did, too.
And the Taylors wish a Yee Haw Merry Christmas to you!!!